Christianne Dettmann
We’re often told life should be lived with no regrets—that we should never look back wishing we had done some things differently. As I write this, I wrestled just over one year ago with the decision to end my FEMA career prematurely, based on circumstances beyond my control. I left a role I loved, with teammates I loved, doing work I loved, for a mission I loved, serving the people of the country I love.
One might think I’m about to share why I now regret that decision, having given up all of these plus a significant chunk of my future pension, healthcare, and retirement savings. The reality is, one year later, I don’t.
Truly, I miss the work, the people, the mission, the challenges, the lives touched in a (hopefully) positive way. But the decision to leave was based outside of these things, having nothing to do with politics, nor ideologies, nor feelings about anyone involved in the circumstances that pushed me to step away. Instead, it had everything to do with something I do have regrets about now: trust.
Hear me out. Despite the circumstances that brought about my departure, the biggest gift of this past year has been the extended opportunity to contemplate things we often don’t take significant time to give a second thought: For what am I striving? What in this life really matters? Are my priorities in order? Does my life reflect what I say those are? Do we have an ultimate purpose? If so, can we know it and, if so, what is it?
Last year’s “fork in the road” started with an exercise in trust I am happy to say I still do not regret. However, this protracted period of reflection brought to light just how often in my past I haven’t trusted or reflected the Creator to whom I say I’ve turned over my life. It’s that lack of trust I regret the most. Nevertheless, this very regret stems from having taken time to think about the deep questions and discovering truths that further convince me trust in God is well-placed (and make me wish I had acted on them sooner). Yes, I now have a gap in my resume, but I wouldn’t trade it for the treasures this time has unlocked.
How about you? Perhaps your career or life hasn’t moved in the direction you hoped. Or maybe you have second thoughts now about past decisions you wish had turned out differently. It’s okay. Have those regrets. But don’t dwell on them. Use them. Have second thoughts about things. You don’t have to leave your job or current circumstances to do it, but contemplate the deep questions in life and act on what you learn, because they matter way more than you may know. I’m convinced our biggest regrets in life will come either from not having had second thoughts, or from having them but then not responding to the insights they had to teach us.