Dr. Rose Bricker
Yes, it is a real thing! We often feel grief as early as November, and it can continue on through December. It’s also not uncommon for the feelings to last as we enter into the new year. Those three months can be emotionally painful. Sometimes grief is only seen as the death of a loved one, but it is so much more than that. It’s about loss, and loss is inevitable—the loss of a pet, friendships, connections with family members, job/career, financial stability, lifestyle due to caregiving, social connections, political stability, geographic stability, physical illnesses, anticipatory loss, anniversaries of losses, and loss of our cognitive ability. The list goes on and on. But, unfortunately, we are not taught how to manage these losses.
Here are some of the common responses to grief and loss:
• Trouble focusing and reduced concentration, low/no motivation to complete tasks.
• A sense of numbness, both physically and emotionally. A loss of interest in things we used to enjoy such as walking, reading, spending time with friends.
• Trouble sleeping and/or sleeping too much.
• Change in eating habits, emotionally eating to soothe, and/or no interest or appetite for food.
• A roller coaster of emotions. It’s very common to feel emotional highs and lows while experiencing loss. Anger, depression, and anxiety are often responses to loss.
These are all normal and natural responses to grief and loss. No one gets to tell you that your response is wrong. No one gets to predict how long the grief will last and what it should look like. Everyone grieves in their own way. The important part is to grieve. Acknowledge it, feel the feelings, get support if needed, and be gentle with yourself. Remember, no one teaches us how to grieve.
Self-Care Skills That Help While Grieving
Deep Breathe: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds. Repeat that 10 times. It takes only about 2 minutes, and it seriously calms the nervous system. I encourage you to do that 2-minute breathing exercise at least three times a day.
Music: Listening to soothing, calm music allows your nervous system to relax. To increase your energy, listen to fast, upbeat music and physically move your body.
Journaling: Write about your loss! Every time you write about it, it can take a little bit of the heaviness away. Make a gratitude list. When you write down what you are grateful for, it increases the activity (and release of chemicals) in your brain. Gratitude can also provide a little relief from the heaviness of grief.
Volunteering: Get out of the house! If only for an hour a couple of times a week. Maybe volunteering at a dog shelter or helping children improve their reading skills. It helps to focus on something other than your loss. Doing a meaningful activity helps. But don’t get caught up in “busy-ness.” Doing “too much” can distract you from healing.
Spend Time in Nature: Take a walk in the neighborhood, if only for 10 minutes. Nature can and will soothe you.
Yoga: Movement of any kind is helpful, but yoga helps center and ground you.
Healthy Eating: Nutritious foods are extremely helpful when dealing with the stress of grief and loss. Limit sugar, fats, processed foods, caffeine, and alcohol. Some researchers believe that eating six times a day, in small amounts, can reduce cholesterol and sustain energy.
If you would like more information on how to manage loss, grief, depression, anxiety, and relationships, please call me at 520-820-4079 for a 30-minute complimentary meet and greet appointment. I’m located at 7410 N. La Cholla Blvd., Tucson, AZ 85741. It’s in the La Cholla Corporate Center, which is across from the former Foothills Mall. Home appointments are now available.