Dr. Rose Bricker
Communication is often a major concern for those who seek counseling. Whether it’s communication with partners/spouses, family members, friends or coworkers, the issues are basically the same. The questions that come up in sessions are:
1. “What can I say so that others will hear me?”
2. “How can I set boundaries with others?” and
3. “I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but I want to share my concerns with them, how do I do that?”
The answer to all three of those questions is to learn and use healthy communication skills. You can actually “help ” the other person be open to hearing what you want to say. If your current skills are not helping you communicate, then consider using these below.
Healthy Communication Skills
Express your feelings in an appropriate, honest, and direct way. Always use “I” statement and a respectful tone. When you start a conversation with “You,” the person you are speaking with often becomes defensive. They feel attacked and shut down their listening ability. Always avoid accusations and/or attacks.
Be Specific about what is bothering you. Vague complaints are not helpful! Don’t throw all the complaints in at the same time. Nothing will be resolved. Remember, it’s extremely important to deal with the issues as they come up.
Don’t generalize. Avoid words like “never” or “always.” Those words only heighten tensions, creating more conflict, not less.
Stick to the facts. Don’t exaggerate a complaint or a concern. Be prepared for others to have a “different” view of the facts. This is why you want to use “I” statements. Don’t get caught up in who’s right and who’s wrong. Just state your fact(s) and how you felt about it.
Most importantly, try to remain calm. Try not to overreact to the situations. If you feel overwhelmed, “take a time out.” Take a walk, do deep breathing, pet the cat, play with the dog, do the dishes, whatever works for you to calm down your nervous system. Once calm, come back to the conversation.
Old communication behaviors can cause damage and even end the relationship entirely. If you want to strengthen the relationship, using healthy communication skills will improve the quality of the relationship.
If you would like more information on healthy communication and ways to improve your relationships, please contact me at 520-820-4079 for a complimentary 30-minute session.