This I Have Learned: Imagine If Historical Figures Used Texting

Mary Jo Bellner Swartzberg

Most of us love technology, and, let’s face it, technology has improved our lives in numerous ways.

As examples: a GPS for our car; instantaneous communication via computer, or cell phone (texting, etc.); high-tech refrigerators/ovens; microwaves; as well as medical procedures/implements that improve the human condition. However, when we have learned to adapt to a new technology, it becomes obsolete! This is due to either planned obsolescence, or to technology moving so quickly that products become obsolete by virtue of innovation. According to the website Investopedia, planned obsolescence: “Describes a strategy of deliberately ensuring that the current version of a given product will become out of date or useless within a known time period.” (Note: It was first coined in the 1920s.)

So, it follows that, at some point, texting will be replaced by some new and innovative method of instantaneous communication.

But imagine, if you will, if well-known historical figures texted. What would these individuals say? Here are some conjectures:

Moses, in speaking to God:

IB (I’m back). LVM (left voice mail). AYT (are you there)? BTW (by the way) PLS provide more information, B/C (because) I need details regarding the Red Sea. BSTS (better safe than sorry).

Shakespeare, in speaking of King Lear:

IMHO (in my humble opinion), King Lear was a BD (big deal) for me. I am FAQ (frequently asked questions) about him, IYKWIM (if you know what I mean). I ACK (acknowledge) he’s my favorite character ATM (at the moment), that is.

Lincoln (to his wife Mary):

LOL (lots of love). N2M (not too much) here. But, S2S (sorry to say) that many PPL (people) are trying to see me now. RYB (read your Bible) and T+ (think positive).

Mozart (on his music):

UNBLEFBLE (unbelievable) that the critics do not like my music. MEGO (my eyes glaze over)! I have written 5 violin concertos and 27 piano concertos! TSNF (that’s so not fair). JLMK (just let me know) what you think. SG2R (sorry, got to run)!

Franklin D. Roosevelt (to Eleanor):

BHL8 (be home late) as will be with my secretary. ETA (estimated time of arrival) AH (at home) is 10 p.m. BION (believe it or not) the Congressmen liked my ND (New Deal) initiative. BM&Y (between me and you) our country needs this AEAP (as early as possible).

Will Rogers, to a friend:

I once said, “If you find the right job, you will never have to work a day in your life.” IMHO (in my humble opinion) there is a D/C (disconnect) between E1 (everyone) today. FWIW (for what it’s worth) people should GBTW (get back to work) ASAP (as soon as possible). JW (just wondering) what you think. But, I guess, ICBW (it could be worse) there could be NO jobs to be had! KIT (keep in touch).

In closing, TIHL (this I have learned) and UNT (until next time)!