Mark Adams
Most men get their instructions regarding how to handle emotional experiences from watching older men in their families. When I was a young boy, my father went as far as to tell me that men and boys never cry. He said that if they cry they are sissies. In fact, I was encouraged not to display any feelings. If I felt sad, I should just hold it in.
Well, I guess that was working for quite a few years and then—I got a phone call from the hospital telling me that my son was in an accident and that I should come to the hospital. My son had been out riding his bike when he was hit from the rear by a car. He flew off the bike, hit his head on the curb and suffered a severe concussion. When I got to the hospital, I learned that he was dead by the time he arrived at the hospital; then I had to identify his body. I felt I was going crazy. What I felt was unbearable. The doctor gave me drugs to calm me and recommended a Bereavement group.
Rather than continue medication, of which I was concerned it would become an addiction, I decided to take his advice. On my first hesitant attendance at the local Bereavement Group, they went around the room, each of us sharing some details regarding the death of our loved ones who, in most cases, were spouses. Then a man, who looked as distressed as me, shared that he backed up his truck in his driveway and, not being able to see his two-year old son playing there, ran over him and killed him. I couldn’t contain myself. I got up and went over to him and both of us hugged and cried profusely.
The heck with what my father had preached to me “that men who cried were sissies.” We supported each other in our grief and that support remains ongoing to this day. Thank goodness for that Bereavement Group where not only could I safely and confidentially share my feelings of grief, but also experience that needed element of support.
This was probably the reason in the later life that I chose to become a mental health professional, to help people deal with their problems and feelings, especially males.
Whether you are a man or a woman and your spouse, family member, friend or pet has died, our Bereavement Group here in SaddleBrooke is open for you to attend. It doesn’t matter when it occurred, yesterday or a decade ago, come and get the support that you need. The group is led by professionals who facilitate it and we meet each Sunday from 4:00 to 5:30 p.m., downstairs in the Coyote Room of HOA One. For more information, feel free to call Mark at 818-3627 or Dolores at 825-8980.