For most people, the first holiday season after a death is the most painful. No matter when your loss occurred, it’s most important that you become aware that recovery is possible and to learn which actions will help you. Logically, for many grieving people, the holidays are difficult enough, especially the first season after someone important to them has died. But many are surprised to find that the new year doesn’t automatically bring an end to the emotional pain caused by the absence. In fact, it is after the holidays that the day-to-day reality of the now-missing person sets in, without the distraction of the mad swirl of shopping and family gatherings. It’s a time when emotions can get amped up and cause you to think that there’s something very wrong with you. Rather than there being something wrong with you, what you may be feeling is the natural by-product of your attempt to adapt to the very changed circumstances of your life.
Learning to function the way you did before the death, while normal and healthy, is not always the smoothest and easiest transition in the world. A grieving person once said, “My grief is the feeling of reaching out for someone who has always been there, only to discover when I needed her one more time, she was no longer there.” Those poignant words have helped many people not feel as alone and lost as they often do in the time following the death of someone who meant so much in their life. And those words certainly can be helpful in the transitional time after the holidays. But other people’s words are not enough. In addition to taking actions to grieve and complete what the death left emotionally unfinished for you, it’s wise to find at least one person with whom you can talk openly and safely about the feelings you’re having as you try to move forward in your life. You can defeat the isolation of grief by participating in your own recovery. For any of you who are concerned about a grieving family member or friend, please take the time to make yourself available to them. Let them know that the topic of grief is open and that you will listen without judgment. It may be the greatest gift you can give. While the grief of a broken heart is the normal reaction to the death of your mate, it’s very helpful to find effective tools to help you discover and complete everything that was left emotionally unfinished. Take advantage of SaddleBrooke’s Bereavement Group which meets in the Coyote Room every Sunday from 4:00 to 5:30 p.m. You will find both grievers and caring persons ready to share what you are experiencing. Grieving in a group normalizes that which feels anything but normal. The group is always facilitated by a professional and is free to all residents of SaddleBrooke One and Two. Questions? Call Dolores at 825-8980.